“Dear Rachael, my dad insists on having a computer…but then he can’t get it to work and calls me incessantly, stressed that it isn’t working. And then, he calls and asks me to buy him a new computer. I don’t want to take his computer away, but I also know that him having it is causing us BOTH a lot of anxiety.”
“What does he want to use the computer for?” I asked.
“At this point, he’s using it to look at new computers!” the care partner laughed.
This is a tough one, because, as we realized during our support group meeting, all we’re doing here is picking the lesser of two evils.
I asked the support group member, “Which option is less stressful for YOU: him having a computer or him not having a computer?”
She paused and thought about it for a moment. “That’s a great question,” she said. “It’s definitely less stressful for me if he doesn’t have the computer. Not to mention, we’ve brought him a few of these computers and he can’t get any of them to work!”
“Okay, that settles it,” I nodded. “Time to tell him the computer is going to the repair shop.”
“But what about when he asks for a new one?” she asked.
“Here’s what I’d do,” I offered, “Go old-school with this: print out a list of new computers or bring in a Best Buy catalog for him to look at. Let him know you’ll get him one, but he has to review some first.”
She nodded. “It’s difficult, because he’s still going to call wanting a computer.”
“Right,” I agreed, “but he won’t be asking you to walk him through all the steps to fix the current one, right?”
“That’s true,” she said. “It really is just the lesser of two evils.”
