“Dear Rachael, my wife has incontinence issues, but is embarrassed to wear adult diapers. How do I help her?”
To start, let’s reframe how we’re talking about “adult diapers.” Instead of calling them diapers (we immediately think of babies) let’s call them adult briefs. That is, after all, what they’re called in stores.
I completely understand not wanting to wear adult briefs! Incontinence issues are embarrassing, but they do happen, even for people who aren’t living with dementia.
In great news, there are products available these days that are less diaper-ish and more brief-ish. One of my favorites are Thinx, which were originally created for menstruation. Here’s a link to Thinx and also to another option, both on Amazon.
Thinx are washable and reusable, but as she progresses, you will want to transition to a disposable option, particularly if she is unable to get to the toilet frequently or is moving her bowels in the underwear.
You don’t need to tell her about her issues, or remind her that she has them. Start putting this underwear into her collection of panties and/or have someone who isn’t her spouse (not you!) see if they can talk to her about it. She may be more open to talking about incontinence with another woman. Remember that many women deal with incontinence issues after having a baby or during and after menopause, so it doesn’t need to be something we bring up “dementia” to talk about.
