“You’re a better caregiver to your loved one when you have time for yourself,” I tell care partners in my support group. Then why can’t I take my own advice?”
I recently had a baby (didn’t I do a good job hiding my pregnancy in YouTube videos!?) and if you’ve had a baby, or even been around a baby…you know how much work they are.
I am having the hardest time giving myself a break–or beating myself up when I do take one.
A friend recommended to us that we get a “night doula” once he’s about a month old. “What’s a night doula” was my first question—it’s essentially a professional caregiver who specializes in babies and stays overnight to care for them—and then, “But should I even do that? Shouldn’t I be up with him every night?”
My husband and I are, indeed, taking turns waking up at night. I really can’t complain: he sleeps pretty well. That said, I did enlist the help of a night doula for 1 or 2 nights a week, and it’s been great. Although I have to wake up at least once to pump anyway, the night doula takes the edge off of having to stay up and figure out how to get my baby to sleep again.
Of course, I find myself thinking, “But is this really okay? Do I even deserve a break?”
It’s sad that I can’t take my own advice. Caring for a person living with dementia is definitely harder than caring for a healthy baby, but the advice still stands: you’re a better care partner when you’re not frazzled and exhausted from caregiving.
When I do have my night doula come in, when I do have the nanny come to take over while my husband and I work, I feel a lot more like myself. Being able to drive to the gym and get my iced coffee, get my workout in—I feel refreshed. I come back to my son with a smile and with way more patience and calm.
I encourage you to take my advice (and I’ll try to do the same.)
