Tag: care community

Assisted Living is not your enemy

“We want to keep her out of assisted living as long as possible.” “My brother thinks it’s horrible that we want to move dad.” “I’m exhausted caring for my loved one at home, but moving them just seems cruel.” “She took care of me when I was younger, so now it’s my turn.” “I don’t want to move him to a home.” I’ve heard all of these phrases time and time again. Occasionally I’ll even get a comment on a post that echoes these same sentiments. I published a post recently, “The one-sentence answer to when it’s time to move someone” and somebody on LinkedIn commented one word, “Never.” Frustrated, I commented back. “When you say something like that, you make it even more difficult for stressed and exhausted caregivers to make a decision they may need to make. You’re stigmatizing something that is already over-stigmatized.” I didn’t get a response—no surprise there—but it encouraged me to write this post. Assisted living is NOT YOUR ENEMY. Society has beat into us this idea that you “must take care of your person at home forever!!!!” when, for some people, this isn’t feasible, reasonable, responsible, or safe. Honestly, that’s why I wrote my book. I realized that there were so many people in the same boat: they felt guilty about moving a loved one and didn’t know where to turn for answers. I wanted to write something that not only answered their questions but also made them feel OKAY but making a hard choice. Don’t let someone tell you what is right for you or your loved ones’ living situation. Sign up for my emails to get great info like this, straight to your inbox.

October 25, 2018

“My [insert loved one here] isn’t like these people.”

“She doesn’t need to move to a care community yet.” “He’s not like these people.” “Her memory isn’t that bad.” “He only got lost the one time.” If you’re telling yourself these things, it’s probably time to move your loved one to a care community. Here’s the bottom line: your loved one cannot make a safe decision for themselves any longer. Even though your loved one told you years ago that he or she “never wanted to be moved into a ‘home’”, it doesn’t let you off the hook! Your loved one, at some point, is not capable of making a safe decision for themselves. Is she leaving the stove on? Is he getting lost in a familiar neighborhood? It’s past time to make a plan: you need to start acting on a plan immediately. Be it bringing in a home care agency for 24-hour care, or considering a local care community, a decision must be made soon. There are about a million reasons that you may be considering a care community move for your loved one.  Let’s review some of them that may be affecting you or your family: Behavioral challenges – Your loved one is behaving in odd or unpredictable ways, and keeping him or her at home just isn’t working well anymore You’ve tried other options – You’ve tried home care and day care, but it looks like your loved one is starting to progress to a level where he or she may need 24-hour assistance  Environmental challenges – Your house isn’t equipped for taking care of a loved one at home, or maybe one of you lives in another state Engaging care – Your loved one needs more than they are getting wherever they are. Perhaps they could benefit from socializing, but you’re still too afraid to “move them.” There are a lot of different types of care options, but it’s up to YOU to pick the right one. Not making a decision, just because your loved one “told you that he/she wants to live at home,” is not an option.

April 26, 2017

How to Make the Move to a Dementia Care Community SUCCESSFUL

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT (a post from earlier) I get asked about moving loved ones to dementia care communities all the time. Families usually feel guilty, panicked, and concerned that their loved one with dementia will be very angry with them. Here are some of my favorite tips to make it go smoother! Pre-order my book and get a whole chapter on this topic 1. Understand that, at some point, the person with dementia can no longer make a safe choice regarding their own care. So, when your mom told you that she “never wanted to move to an old folks home” that was probably when she was in her best state of mind. Now, she’s not in her best state of mind. Now, she needs more care than you can probably give. So give yourself a break! 2. Visit a few communities before making a choice. You should look at location, affordability, levels of care (do they have resources available if mom needs some physical rehab?) and general environment, which includes smell, look, feel, and taste (check out the dining rooms!) 3. If your loved one is going to panic when they hear about the move, DON’T TELL THEM. Suggest that they are going to be staying there for a doctor’s appointment, to eat meals, or just to meet new people. Never say, “you live here now,” which implies an indefinite amount of time. 4. If they will handle the move without much trouble, let them have some control over where their new room is and how it’s set up. Put them in charge. Let your loved one with dementia feel as though she can still make some choices regarding her care. 5. Visit as often as you want. There is no right or wrong answer here. It depends entirely on you and your loved one. When can you take your loved one out for lunch? As soon as you feel it’s appropriate! Those are just a few quick tips. If you’re considering moving your loved one into long-term care, and need some more specific advice, I recommend giving me a call! I help a lot of family members make that transition.

August 3, 2016

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