Tag: children

“But isn’t dementia care sad?”

Another short story from my time as a Dementia Care Director “I am leaving for the day, because my young son is at home with a babysitter,” Agnes told me calmly. “But I just wanted to tell you that I had the best time today, this was just wonderful,” she smiled, motioning to the little kids running in the courtyard. We had just had an Easter egg hunt, and everything had gone smoothly. Families and staff members had brought their little kids into the courtyard to hunt for the colorful eggs we had hidden with the help of some residents. Agnes lived at our dementia care community, but she did not know that. Seeing the kids running in our courtyard reminded her of when she had a young son, and her brain created a happy story where she had to head home to greet him. “I have to make sure I get home and pay the babysitter,” she added. Agnes’ story was as clear and rational as anyone’s, besides the obvious fact that she couldn’t actually leave. She didn’t have anywhere to go, and had she left, Agnes would have found that her son was a grown adult, and her home was no longer where she thought it was. There is no doubt that dementia is a complicated, sad group of diseases. I like to think, though, that dementia creates a happy internal world for many of my residents. This world is populated by beloved people and things, because these are the memories that have stayed around. These memories aren’t merely memories for people with dementia—they are real, and present. No, dementia does not always create a happy world. When it does, though, that world can be just as rich and colorful as any story that you’ve ever read.

June 20, 2021

An Imaginary Marriage

“Henry! Get your keys, we gotta go!” “I can’t find my keys, Irene! Where did you put them!” “I didn’t put your keys anywhere! Where did you lose them!” They argued like a married couple, but they were not actually married. Jeff and Ellen were two of my residents who believed that they had been married for years. In fact, they usually called each other by their actual spouse’s names (Henry and Irene) instead of their real names. Still, they each responded to the other’s call. “Henry! Get your shoes on, we gotta go,” Ellen would call. “Irene! Help me with my shoes!” Jeff would yell back. I happily found that, instead of being distraught, Ellen and Jeff’s adult children were agreeable about the “union” between the two. The relationship between Ellen and Jeff consisted mostly of trying to convince the other person to “drive” them home. This was actually a helpful union for the staff because the pair would bug each other about “going home” instead of getting other residents worked up. I have found that many adult children become uncomfortable when relationships develop between their parents with dementia. Sometimes, when the actual spouses are still alive–like in this case–the adult children suggest that it’s “unfair” to the living spouse. But, that’s dementia. It’s not a “fair” group of diseases. And, sometimes, a little bit of confusion provides a person with a partner–and that can be for the best.

February 9, 2016

A 90 Year Age Difference.

I love taking my residents to read to children. Today we took some of them to meet a classroom of two-year-olds. “Grandma?” one little boy asked, looking around at all of the older women. He ran up and hugged each woman, one at a time. The other children followed suit, and by the end of the hour each resident had gotten ten individual hugs. One of my residents doesn’t smile much. She beamed the whole way back to the community.

July 15, 2014

They're so cute!

“I used to teach kids older than this, though, five or six-year-olds, kids getting ready for kindergarten. But these are so cute! Practically in diapers!” she said, grinning emphatically at the three-year-olds. I took three of my residents to read to preschool children yesterday, and I can’t rave about it enough. It was amazing. They read to the kids, talked to them, received many hugs, and even listened to them sing their “ABCs”. I smiled so much I thought my face might break. One of the residents is ninety-three. This means she is literally ninety years older than the kids she was reading to. Another one of my residents used to be a kindergarten teacher, and I knew she’d enjoy this outing. Usually she is tough to understand, but yesterday she was as clear as day when she spoke. It was almost like the trip had energized her a little. I put this on the calendar again for two weeks from now.

June 5, 2014

Special Offer: FREE Poster

Rachael wrote "16 Things I'd Want If I Got Dementia" in 2014 and it's circulated the globe many times over. Download your free copy here!

Download FREE Here