Tag: dementia by day blog

"I told you seven times already."

“Your room is right there! I told you seven times already!” I was walking up the hallway when I witnessed this exchange. One of my residents, Jen, sat on the couch near her room. She often got anxious, forgot why she was there, and couldn’t figure out where her room was. Her sitter (a caregiver that was extra help, and paid by the family) was not trying to be mean, but it certainly didn’t sound good. And, frankly, it pissed me off. My walk turned to a jog up the hallway to greet this exchange head-on. I really hate correcting people, but things like this–I just can’t let them go. I walked up to the caregiver. “It doesn’t matter how many times you tell her,” I said. “The point is, she can’t remember the information.” “Yeah, I know, I know,” she replied, annoyed at my correction. “Well, then you know that there’s no reason to ever say that to a resident,” I replied, frustrated. “I don’t want to hear that again.” Everyone gets tired when taking care of people with dementia. I myself will sometimes take a few minutes and sit in my office or in a quieter room, just to gather my patience. It’s okay to lose your patience–because it will happen–but never in front of a person with dementia.

A Breakup.

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about a new couple in our dementia care community. We all loved seeing them together. It really seemed like they enjoyed each other’s company, and, more than anything, it seemed like a wonderful emotional connection.  Recently, they broke up. It wasn’t by choice; instead, it was a kind of Romeo-and-Juliet-situation.  Matthew’s* family had found a new home for him. As they moved his belongings out of his room, Rachel* argued with his adult children. “He’ll hate it there,” she said. “He needs to stay here, he loves it here,” she cried, desperately trying to persuade them to let him stay. All of the associates stood around quietly. There was nothing that we could do—this was not our decision to make. For the past couple of days, Rachel has paced the hallways as usual, but now she is alone while she walks. She is well-liked, and has many friends, but she was always hand-in-hand with Matthew. Yesterday she announced that “Matthew had called her.” No one is entirely sure if that is true, but we’re happy for her all the same. “He’s coming back soon. He’ll be back,” she said, confidently. 

You Live Here Now.

One of the worst things that you can do to a person who lives in long-term memory care is to remind them that they live in long-term memory care. Most of my residents with dementia still believe that they live at home, so it’s very confusing for them to hear otherwise. “Hey. What are we doing here? Why are we here?” JoAnn asked.  “Well, mom, we’re visiting you. This is where you live,” JoAnn’s daughter explained, slowly. JoAnn has Alzheimer’s. She doesn’t understand or realize that she lives in a memory care community. JoAnn also has a lot of trouble hearing, so you have to get pretty close to her to speak. When she likes something that you tell her, she’ll touch her forehead to yours.  As JoAnn’s eyes narrowed, and a concerned look crossed her face, I decided to step in. JoAnn’s daughter wasn’t doing her mother any favors by “reminding” her about the memory care community, and I didn’t want to see this negative situation play out. “JoAnn, you’re here to hang out with me,” I smiled. “I want to spend time with you."  Her eyes lit up and a smile grew on her face. "Oh, good. You’re the sweetest!” she exclaimed, and pulled me in, touching her forehead to mine. 

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Rachael wrote "16 Things I'd Want If I Got Dementia" in 2014 and it's circulated the globe many times over. Download your free copy here!