Tag: dementia

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about Money + Dementia, as in, how do you take over finances when a loved one living with dementia can no longer handle it themselves? At a conference, I got a really good question and it inspired me to do a post. And this question I got was about a checkbook. So mom has a checkbook and we don’t want her to have a checkbook anymore because we’re kind of worried about maybe like who she’s writing checks to, right? Or how to use it. She’s trying to put it away in other places. We don’t really want her to hide it somewhere and us not be able to find it. So he said, well what do I do? You know, when do we take the checkbook away? How do we take it away so that we don’t upset her? And I said, well, don’t take it away, but cancel the account. Make it so she can’t access the account so she can write checks all day. But she still has the physical checkbook. It is the same thing with credit cards. If you have a loved one who has dementia and they’re going to have a fit. Don’t take the credit card, but take the ability for them to use anything so you can cancel the card and then just leave them with the physical card instead of like cutting it up, just leave them with a physical card. It makes people feel better, you know, I mean like if you’re used to carrying that stuff around, it would be alarming, right? To not have it anymore. We have to take people’s car keys. We don’t necessarily have to take, you know, the physical checkbook. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Why do I hate The Notebook? This movie – the Notebook –did dementia care a terrible disservice back in 2004. If you haven’t seen it, or even if you have seen it, and it’s been a while, you may know that these two people are married, but she allegedly has dementia. I’ve never seen anybody living with dementia who’s this well put together. But fine. Anyway, there’s a scene when he comes and reads to her every day, and the book that he is reading to her is like his diary, and it’s like the story of their life together, but she apparently has no idea who he is, yadda, so one day he goes in there to visit her and they start dancing and suddenly it’s like dementia is a magic little hat. And she takes the hat off and is like, Hey, remember that time I had dementia? Wow, that was nuts. And then the hat comes back on and she’s confused again. That’s not how dementia works. And here’s my other problem with this scene. So she says, how long before I forget again? He says, last time it was only a few minutes. I miss you so much. I’ve been right here. I’ll never leave you. Who are you? Right? Nonsense. This kind of thing would not work in real life. That’s not how this works. If we were being realistic, this is what it would look like. She’d be like, oh, I know this guy. He’s my “somebody that fits in my timeline.” So she would know that she knew him. She would probably just assume that he was, you know, an older brother, a sibling, a neighbor. She would know that she knew him. She just wouldn’t be able to place him because probably in her reality, she thinks she’s a lot younger than she is here. And that’s probably what’s going on here. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about why people with dementia should NOT be at home alone! If your loved one has dementia, please don’t let them live at home by themselves. Even if you have notes, I’ll leave notes around the house for mom that she can see that say, like, “Mom, don’t go outside,” or like, “Dad, don’t go in the basement.” They’re not going to read those notes. And they don’t care about notes. Stop relying on things like life-alert calendars, notes, locked doors, and stuff to keep your loved one with dementia safe at home. People with dementia should not be home alone ever. It only takes a little bit of time, and it only takes once for something to go horribly wrong. And so saying, “Oh, well, nothing bad has happened yet.” That’s great, but something bad could happen very soon. I just saw a woman in her house who is really sweet and totally moderate stage who was home by herself for the majority of the day. What is going on? So, in conclusion, if you insist on keeping your loved one at home, please call a home care agency. Hire somebody. People are the only way to keep people with dementia safe, and relying on technology and notes is not going to work. They need to be at home with somebody if they’re going to be home. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about being the family handler. One of the things that comes up pretty frequently in my care partner support group is that many of my care partners are the handlers of stuff. And if you’re reading this blog, you probably are as well. So if you’re the handler of stuff in your family, you are the doer of all things, a lot of times there’s one person in the family who manages everything. So it could be you, your mom, your dad, maybe you’ve got two siblings. Maybe there’s an aunt or uncle involved, but somehow everything – all of the caregiving and caregiving-related tasks – has fallen onto you and that’s a tough position to be in across the board. That’s what I see from my senior living families. They are either taking care of a person living with dementia or a person who’s in a dementia care community. And regardless, they become the defacto person where they have to handle all of the tasks. And let me encourage you that if you are the handler of tasks, take some time for yourself. And I know that sounds crazy. You’re thinking when you have to be able to step away sometimes. For example, I had a care partner recently explain that she really wanted to go away for the weekend with her husband, but was worried what would happen if she were to leave her family to deal with their own issues. And I really encouraged her. The rest of my care group encouraged her. Go take that trip. You deserve it and you need the time. Your family’s made it this far. They can do it without you for a couple of days. And I think if you are the doer of stuff, you start to feel like you have to handle everything because they’re not going to be able to. But remember that there is this sort of learned helplessness that we can teach people and your family has unfortunately learned that you are super capable, which is great, you are capable. But they’ve learned that they don’t need to do anything because you’re going to handle it. So what if you (stay with me here), you just didn’t handle it? What if you let something fall through the cracks? What’s the worst that could happen? I mean, I’m sure there’s something bad that could happen with some of these things that come up, but you are allowed to step back from some of these tasks. So don’t feel like you as a caregiver for someone living with dementia or a care partner in some fashion, that you have to be the defacto person. You need space and time and you also need help, too. I hope this has been helpful. Hope this resonated with you. And if you are feeling this way, please consider joining my Patreon group. The lowest tier is only 10 bucks a month and you get access to my support group and my Slack channel where you can chat all the time if you want, with your fellow care partners who are also in this same boat. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about nursing homes. What are they and what are they not? I hear families use this term all the time. They say, oh yeah, I moved Mom into a nursing home. And then I say, okay, well where did you move her? And they tell me about some building. And I say, that’s not a nursing home that is assisted living or independent living. That’s adult daycare. People think everything is a nursing home. And I don’t think this is a professional thing. I don’t think professionals are doing this piece. But people keep calling everything a nursing home, or a skilled nursing facility, as we call it in geriatrics, is a medic. It is usually a medical facility. It’s usually pretty hospital-like and they have short-term stay rehab. Some places have long-term stay units, But people who live there or stay there for short-term rehab usually have more medical-related issues than people who live in assisted living. So in conclusion, if you’re talking about a nursing home, you’re really talking about a skilled nursing facility, which is a specific designation for a senior living community. So that’s different than saying that your loved one lives in assisted living or personal care or independent living. And a skilled nursing facility and a nursing home are in the same phrase. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about weddings and funerals, and saying NO to them. So I have a little rule called no weddings and no funerals. And before I get into explaining what that means, I want to clarify that this is typically for people past the early stages of dementia. I’m not talking about people who are in very, very early stages, who are aware of the year and the time, and who can recognize everyone. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about people in later stages. And the reason that I clarify that is that sometimes I post videos, and people on the internet go nuts, and they’re like, oh, well, my so and so. No, I’m talking about later-stage dementia. Anyway, I have this rule called no weddings and no funerals, which essentially means that if your loved one has dementia past a very early stage, taking them to a wedding or a funeral is probably a bad idea. Why don’t I recommend it? Well, a couple of reasons. For people with dementia, crowds can be really overwhelming, so they might get overwhelmed really quickly. Also, it can be overwhelming for you. Either you’re trying to celebrate or you’re trying to grieve. And if you have to be making sure their level with dementia is okay and safe and calm the whole time, you’re not going to have the time to take care of yourself. So it’s important for both of you. I also want to emphasize that you’re really not doing them a favor. So if somebody with dementia had a loved one pass away, a lot of family members are tempted to say, well, we want to tell mom that her sister died, we want to bring her to the funeral. Why? A lot of people with dementia kind of live with at least one foot in another reality. And so all of a sudden if we’re telling mom that her sister’s dead and we’re reminding her about this all the time, she’s either maybe not going to believe it or she’s going to have forgotten, or she’s not going to understand. And so taking her to the funeral can cause a lot of undo anxiety and a lot of confusion about what year it is and what, why, and what’s happening. And then kind of similarly, at a wedding, you bring somebody to a wedding who’s a little bit agitated or confused. Weddings are overwhelming, they’re long, there are a lot of people there, and there’s going to be a lot of confusion about who people are. That’s really not a great situation for somebody with dementia. So this post is essentially giving you permission to not bring somebody with dementia to a wedding or a funeral. Don’t guilt trip yourself and say, oh my God, I have to bring them. It’s only respectful. Probably don’t do it. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about doctors… I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to who tell me something about what their doctor told them about dementia. So they say like, oh, you know I brought my loved one with dementia to the doctor, their regular physician, and they tell me something that the doctor tells them, and I’m thinking, why would the doctor say this? Because sometimes it’s totally wrong. A great example is what I encountered recently. I had somebody tell me that they went to the doctor and she asked the doctor how long her father had to live with dementia. This doctor gave her the wrong stage diagnosis. They said, oh yeah, your dad’s probably got, you know, stage five or six dementia. I don’t think that is what he has at all! And that he probably has like a year left. What, okay, if you are a doctor, you’re not a magician, you didn’t invent the earth. How can you possibly come up with an accurate number for how long this person has to live? If you are a doctor and you’re giving somebody that kind of information, I think you’re way out of line. There is no way that you can possibly know how long someone has to live. I think it’s totally irresponsible. The other thing that this doctor told this poor lady was that her father would probably forget her by March. It’s January. How would someone know that? Also, not only is that really totally out of line and totally insane, but they phrased it the wrong way. It’s not that your loved one forgets who you are, it’s that they can’t place you on a timeline. So he may have trouble recognizing who she is in relation to what year this man thinks it is, but he’s not going to forget who his daughter is. So, not only has this doctor given this poor woman a whole lot of misinformation, but also what right does this doctor have to say this kind of stuff? I don’t think this doctor really knows what they’re talking about. So here’s what I’m telling you. The doctor – your doctor that you’re going to (unless this person is a geriatrician or a neurologist) – probably doesn’t have enough information about dementia in their arsenal to be able to give you the answers that you need. So that’s my little quick rant on these doctors. They don’t know everything. That’s it. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about how dementia is more of a beg for forgiveness rather than ask for permission group of diseases. This means that if you are looking to move your loved one with dementia into assisted living or maybe you’re looking to take them to the doctor. Maybe you’re just looking to get them up to go to the bathroom, and they’re like, no, they’re not having it. I’ve had a lot of people come to me and say, Hey, I really want to do this. I need to take my loved one with dementia to the doctor but they don’t want to come with me. They don’t want to move to assisted living. Bad news. Dementia is very much a beg-for-forgiveness group of diseases. You cannot wait for somebody with dementia to tell you that it’s okay to move them because you’re never ever going to get their permission. People with dementia do not give out permission. And here’s the other thing. If you don’t want to leave your loved one with dementia home alone because you’re afraid that they can’t take care of themselves, you’re afraid they’re going to wander out of the house or they’re going to leave the oven on, why would you let them make any other decisions for themselves? Really, they can’t make those kinds of decisions and unfortunately, it falls on you as the caregiver to be the person to make those choices for them. You have to be able to say, this is what we’re doing. I know you don’t like it. But we have to do it. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about not reorienting people with dementia. For years and years, what we actually taught nurses to do, was to reorient people, meaning we would correct them and we’d go, no, that’s not true. Whatever you’re saying isn’t true, come over to our reality. I was recently at a client’s house and I wasn’t really sure where she was at in her dementia, because I was just seeing her for the first time. And I saw some birthday cards on her mantle. So I said, oh, you know I see it’s going to be your birthday. When’s your birthday? And she said, tomorrow. And she was right. People with dementia generally know when their birthday is, but I said, how old are you going be? And she thought about it. This woman is 94 years old, and she said, I’m going to be 53. And I was like, oh, okay. So we went along with that. Most people when they’re talking to somebody with dementia would then say, well you can’t be 54 because it’s 2018 and your birthday is this date. So let’s do the math. We don’t want to do that. We don’t want to make somebody do the math. There’s no point in making this woman do the math. Let her be 54. It’s probably way easier to be 54 than it is to be 94. I’ve been neither. So I assume though, that it’s easier to be 54. So we don’t want to reorient people with dementia. There’s no point. It’s kind of cruel. And really it’s just like banging our heads against the wall. We’re not getting anywhere. It’s gonna be painful for everybody. Just let me be, let me be 54 or whatever. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.

Transcript:Today’s topic is all about the four most common types of dementia. People ask me all the time, what is dementia? And dementia just means cognitive loss over time. That’s it. If you go to the doctor and the doctor says that you have cancer, what’s your next question? What type of cancer is it? That should be your question here. If you go to the doctor and the doctor says that your loved one has dementia, you should say, what type of dementia is it? We’re going to talk about the four most common types of dementia. The first and most common type of dementia is Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia. So when people say to you, what’s the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia? That’s like saying, what’s the difference between cancer and skin cancer? Alzheimer’s is the most common type of cognitive loss. Alzheimer’s is characterized by short-term memory loss. That’s the main thing you’re going to notice with people with Alzheimer’s disease. They do have mood issues. They do have trouble with planning and, and making decisions and all of that. But the first thing you’re going to notice about somebody with Alzheimer’s disease is that their short-term memory is really poor. Another really common type of dementia and one that sometimes overlaps with Alzheimer’s disease is called vascular dementia. Vascular dementia is caused by things like cardiovascular issues like strokes. People who have diabetes are obese, don’t exercise, don’t eat well, and smoke are more likely to have vascular dementia. Vascular dementia also affects somebody’s short-term memory. But the first thing you’re probably going to notice about somebody with vascular dementia is that their spatial awareness is really poor. A lot of times people have gait-related problems. They have trouble walking. Maybe they kind of slump in a weird way. They will have memory problems but it’s just not going to be the first boom. Maybe it won’t be the first thing you notice. Another common type of dementia, and I don’t really want to put them in a particular order because depending on age there are some differences with what’s more common. So another common type of dementia is dementia with Lewy bodies or LBD. Dementia with Lewy bodies is characterized by a few things. One is hallucinations. So, people with Dementia with Lewy bodies are more likely to see or hear things that aren’t there. Most likely children are animals, and they’re also likely to have what’s called fluctuating impairment. So, on Tuesday they’re fine. Wednesday they’re fine. Thursday you go to see them and they are very confused, very agitated, and very different from how they were the day before. And then on Friday or Saturday, they’re kind of back to their normal baseline. The other thing that comes with dementia with Lewy bodies is often REM sleep disorder. So that’s notable as well. Usually when people sleep, their body kind of paralyzed. When you go into REM sleep, you know, rapid eye movement, your eyes move, right? And what happens with people with dementia, with Lewy bodies is their bodies don’t always paralyze themselves. So sometimes they will hit themselves or move during that period of sleep. The fourth most common type of dementia, and again, I don’t really like putting these in order, is FTD or Frontotemporal Low Bar Dementia. Now, there are three variants of FTD that go like this. There’s a behavioral variant, frontotemporal dementia, there’s a speech variant, and then there’s a movement variant. But honestly, the disease kind of blends and it’s hard to separate what variant somebody has. People with this disease are more likely to be younger. This sometimes affects people who are 40 to 60, although I’ve absolutely seen it in people in their seventies and eighties. People tend to have a lot of trouble regulating their moods, regulating their planning, and regulating their filters. So they kind of just say or do whatever comes to their heads. There’s a lot of sexual disinhibition. A lot of times there are a lot of speech-related issues. These people tend to have more issues with aphasia, so they might have trouble communicating even if they can understand, they might not be able to speak. So, again, a movement-related issue as well. So those are the four most common types of dementia. As I mentioned, Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia, although you can have more than one type of dementia at a time. It drives me absolutely nuts when people say, oh, so and so has Alzheimer’s and dementia. Yeah, that’s like saying somebody has, cancer and lung cancer. What does that mean? Okay. Dementia’s just cognitive loss over time. And that’s it. Thanks for sticking around and as always, you know, subscribe to my channel. Visit my Youtube channel for more tips on Dementia Care.