Tag: home

Email me at rachaelwonderlin@gmail.com with your story. Good, bad, beautiful, sad, whatever you have—I would love to share it here on my blog. We don’t talk enough about long-term care living, and, a lot of times, we talk only about the pros and cons of taking care of a person with dementia at home. We need to have an open dialogue about dementia care in away-from-home settings.  My book is the only one that I’ve found about moving someone specifically into long-term dementia care. Check it out here. Source: dementia-by-day.com

December 13, 2016

“We’re home.”

A story shared with me by one of my residents’ daughters. Her mother is one of my favorite residents. She does a lot of walking, a lot of interacting with others, and, since moving in, has really seemed to adjust well to our community. She can still speak, but often uses a few short, key phrases to get her point across.  “You know, I was really nervous about moving my mom to [the dementia care community]. I still feel guilty sometimes. I keep wondering, ‘Was this the right decision, should I have continued to try and keep her at home?’ You know, she always seems so anxious to me. Then, the other day, I was taking my mom out for a drive and some ice cream. When we got back here and pulled up out front, she said, ‘We’re home.’” It just made me feel so good to know that she felt like this place was home to her.

July 21, 2016

Home.

I used to look after a woman with dementia in her own house. By the time I had met her, however, she had forgotten it was her house. From what I could ascertain, she believed that we were staying at a hotel. “What do you think they’ll have for breakfast tomorrow?” she’d ask me. “This is a nice place, but I didn’t expect to stay overnight,” she’d add. The human brain is very pattern-seeking. By that I mean, when things don’t make sense, our brains seek to make sense of them. Elizabeth* didn’t recognize her house, and there were always people staying overnight with her, so she assumed it was a hotel. I think most people would agree that “home” is more than just a physical space: it’s made up of the people and things that bring us comfort. For Elizabeth, her comfort was with her husband and her children, but her husband was dead and her children were grown and had families of their own. So, in turn, “home” wasn’t home anymore. When your loved one with dementia says “I want to go home,” he or she is really just searching for comfort. Provide your loved one with comfort by talking about people and things that they love. “Home” is a lot more than just a location.

October 2, 2014

I'm going home now.

Many of our residents receive visitors on a regular basis. It’s nice to see them interact with daughters, sons, grandchildren, and even spouses. The trouble occurs when family members don’t know how to say goodbye when the visit ends. I’ve watched numerous family members (especially spouses) say to their loved one, “Okay, I’m going home.” I’m going home. While some of our residents recognize that the visitor does indeed have a different home, many do not. Many are unsure why their beloved spouse would “go home” without them. I hate watching the pain in a resident’s eyes as they realize that their husband or wife is going home, to a different home, and that they won’t be able to join. If your loved one is in memory care, please consider their feelings and confusion when telling them that you’re leaving for the day. Why not get them involved in an activity before walking out? Perhaps you could suggest that you need to “run to the store” or that you’re “leaving for a bit” but that you’ll see them again soon. There are numerous happy alternatives to “I’m going home” and none of them have to make you feel as though you’re lying to your loved one. It’s so important to find a way to say goodbye that doesn’t end in tears. 

July 3, 2014

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